Cannibal Cats Found in Government Lab in Maryland or Trump North Korean Free-Trade Deal Gone Catty

As the apocalypse was closing in, Ghostbuster Dr. Peter Venkman once said, "Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together – mass hysteria.  Why did I pick that random quote Dr. Venkman? Well, I ran across this article on nbcnews.com titled "Cat cannibalism: Report discloses 'questionable' gov't animalexperiments" and if you read the article then you sort of think of Dr. Venkman's Ghostbuster quote but slightly altered to read, "... cats eating dogs - mass hysteria.

According to the article the U.S. government scientists bought hundreds of dogs and cats from "Asian meat markets" and conducted experiments that included feeding their remains to healthy lab cats for needless research. Other experiments at the U.S. Department of Agriculture's lab in Maryland included feeding dog remains to cats and injecting cat remains into mice.

"It's crazy," Jim Keen, a former Ghostbuster and USDA scientist, told NBC News, which obtained a copy of the report. "Cannibal cats, cats eating dogs — I don't see the logic."

Sen. Jeff Merkley, D-Ore., called the revelations "deeply disturbing."... You think so Jeff?

So in the truly twisted Vault 9 vein of thought here is our theory on how this cruel, zombie like event in Maryland happened:

President Trump's North Korea Adventure

Since Donald Trump is President of the United States and on the recent summit he rightly didn't want to eat cat or dog chow-mein like his counterpart North Korea's Supreme Plum Dude Kim Jong-un.  So President Trump likely ordered the logistics folks to serve real American food at the historic event like filet mignon, roast duck or New York City Sabrett hotdogs on this trip- good move DT. With this move Mr. Trump strategically entered into his first trade deal with Jong-un: The U.S. saves these poor pets from the Asian Meat Market in return for a normal dinner.  North Korea's Jong-un, who is known as a tough negotiator himself said... uhhh O.K. I'll take my dog with kraut and mustard.  Win!

So moving this nonsense of a post along - those freed Asian cat and dog appetizers that weren’t served at the summit unfortunately ended up in some mad scientist lab in Maryland where they were served up to each other cannibal style.  At least the cats finally got their Scooby snacks.

The horror.  And that's how you get Dr. Peter Venkman, President Trump, Kim Jong-un and Sabrett’s hotdogs all in one post.  And here is the disclaimer - most, but not all of this story is B.S.

Kim Jong Un's Uncle Jang Song Thaek Really Ended up In a North Korean Vending Machine

Kim Jong Un's Uncle Jang Song Thaek Really Ended up In a North Korean Vending Machine as Zombie Snacks... Well, At Least the Tasty Parts Did

The recent news out of that communist shit-hole North Korea has been about the dismissal of the once powerful Jang Song Thaek, the Uncle to Dictator Kim Jong Un.  The North's KCNA news agency reported that Jang Song Thaek was deposed of due to criminal acts including corruption, womanizing and drug-taking. The North's KCNA news agency embarrassingly let slip that, "Jang pretended to uphold the party and leader but was engrossed in such factional acts (such) as dreaming different dreams and involving himself in double-dealing behind the scene," and "Affected by the capitalist way of living, Jang committed irregularities and corruption and led a dissolute and depraved life."  These atrocities especially the dreaming part most likely landed the elder military strongman in hot water - with carrots and potatoes.

The Zombie Patriot Brigade (ZPB) spies in cooperation with the Apocalypse-Depot, South Korean Ghoul Hounds and the United Nations Undead Cooperative Pact (UNUCP) have concluded that Jang Song Thaek is now possibly in a North Korean deli case, vending machine, a bucket of NKFC or has already been pooped out by North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un.

Zombie Patriot Brigade spies learned last year that both North Korean Zombies and cannibals have been feasting on human meat.  The story was broken wide open last year as escapee and political dissident Sung Min Jeong confirmed that human loin meat is displayed on straw mats for sale in high-end markets.  People and zombies know where the chops come from, but they don't talk about it...  They just ask for a garnish of ginger, soy sauce, wasabi or brain jelly on the side.

The United Nations Undead Cooperative Pact (UNUCP) found North Korea in violation of International Consumption laws as it forbids the fricassee of human steak unless the security council of both undead and living agree in majority.  A vote has yet to take place.  To see if there violations are rampant, UNUCP agents were sent undercover into North Korea to test for Kuru disease - a form of Kreutzfeld Jakob Disease caused by eating human Brains or Spinal Columns. The first symptom is shaking limbs- They reported that there was more shaking going on than at a PSY Gangnam Style show.

Rack up another violation for All-Star Dictator Kim Jong Un and declare North Korea a Zombie Horde Holiday Inn.