Joe Biden's Impeachment Hearings Begin: As VP, Biden Leaked Classified Secure Location of Secret Bunker Under the Old U.S. Naval Observatory!

2020 Presidential hopeful Joe Biden will probably announce, like all candidates, that his presidency will be one of transparency and openness.  I don't think Mr. Biden means transparent and open in the normal sense.

For example, during his Vice Presidency under Democrat President Obama in 2009, Uncle Joe Biden revealed the classified location of a secret bunker under the old U.S. Naval Observatory, which is now the home of the vice president. The bunker is believed to be the secure, undisclosed location former Vice President Dick Cheney remained under protection in secret after the 9/11 attacks.

The story is that Biden was filling in for President Obama at the Gridiron Club dinner in Washington D.C because Barack was on a mini-golf rampage at another secret bunker that Biden was not told of - I wonder why.  Anyway a Newsweek reporter overheard Biden tell the story to a group of attendees at the dinner.

According to Eleanor Clift at Newsweek the story goes like this:

Biden "said a young naval officer giving him a tour of the residence showed him the hideaway, which is behind a massive steel door secured by an elaborate lock with a narrow connecting hallway lined with shelves filled with communications equipment."

So if you are looking for a different type of entertainment from The White House in 2020 then Biden is your leaker... I meant candidate.

Way to go Joe.

Open Your Eyes to the Insane Rants of 2020 Democratic Socialist Presidential Candidates and Marxist Party Jesters

Here are the latest rants and and thoughts of the 2020 Democratic Presidential candidates, Marxist party jesters an socialist cheerleaders.

Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.)
Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) told a CNN town hall Monday night that "every person has a right to vote," even if they´re in jail for heinous crimes such as the Boston Marathon bombing." He said his response to the question will probably end up as a 30-second political ad paid for by his opposition. But he refused to back down. "Look -- this is what I believe."
Open Your Eyes!

Minnesota Democratic Rep. Ilhan Omar
A newly unearthed tweet shows Minnesota Democratic Rep. Ilhan Omar attacking the U.S. soldiers who fought and died in the Battle of Mogadishu. “In his selective memory, he forgets to also mention the thousands of Somalis killed by the American forces that day! #NotTodaySatan,” Omar wrote in a tweet in October 2017.
Open Your Eyes!

New York Mayor Bill de Blasio
New York Mayor Bill de Blasio said on MSNBC Monday morning his city will ban “inefficient” steel and glass skyscrapers as part of their Green New Deal. While Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Green New Deal sputtered in Washington D.C., her home city of New York has embraced key pillars of the plan.
Open Your Eyes!

Sen. Kamala Harris (D-CA)
Harris on Allowing Boston Marathon Bomber to Vote from Prison: ‘We Should Have That Conversation’
Open Your Eyes!

Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA) 
Sunday on MSNBC’s “AM Joy,” Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA) said she questioned the patriotism of Republicans who are supporting President Donald Trump after the release of special counsel Robert Mueller’s report on Russian interference in the 2016 election.
Open Your Eyes!

Ben Faulding, a socialist with bylines in the Washington Post
Social Justice Warriors have apparently run out of people and objects to declare as racist and are now setting taking aim at man’s best friend. Ben Faulding, a socialist with bylines in the Washington Post, Tablet Mag, and The Forward has declared that dogs are a “tool of white supremacy and gentrification.”
Open Your Eyes!

State of Oregon
The Oregon legislature is moving ahead with a bill that would allow illegal aliens to obtain driver’s licenses. House Bill 2015 “Eliminates requirement that person provide proof of legal presence before Department of Transportation issues noncommercial driver license, noncommercial driver permit or identification card."
Open Your Eyes!

Teachers Union
Too many school teachers hate capitalism and are vowing to get rid of Trump in 2020. “A disproportionate number of those to whom we have entrusted the task of passing our values on to the next generation disagree with those values and would prefer a “revolution.” So many school teachers in North Carolina joined Marxist May Day protests organized by #RedforEd, the four largest school districts shut down for the day. #RedforEd talks about hirer wages and Medicare for all. They pretend to be bi-partisan. They are anything but mainstream: A well-funded and subversive leftist movement of teachers.
Open Your Eyes!

Bad Stink Forces Emergency Landing of Baltimore Boeing 737

A plane headed to San Francisco from Baltimore had to make an emergency landing because of a bad stink.  CBS Baltimore reported that seven passengers had to be evacuated to medical facilities and are expected to recover.  What the report does not mention is all seven passengers were sitting in vicinity of the on-board toilet and were not aware that Bubba was in there for an unusual amount of time... Hence the overpowering toxic smell. 

Earlier before boarding, Bubba was seen at BWI's foodcourt loading up for the long trip to San Francisco at Chipotle, DC-3 Hot Dogs and Phillips Seafood Express.  That explains it.

Here is the official statement:

United Airlines said in a statement to WJZ:

    “United 1675 from Baltimore-Washington to San Francisco diverted to Washington Dulles because a strong odor in the cabin. The aircraft landed safely and taxied to a gate. Customers were immediately deplaned and evaluated by medical personnel. Several customers were transported to local hospitals. Customers will be rebooked on flights to San Francisco from Washington-Dulles.”

Read the real story here.

Cannibal Cats Found in Government Lab in Maryland or Trump North Korean Free-Trade Deal Gone Catty

As the apocalypse was closing in, Ghostbuster Dr. Peter Venkman once said, "Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together – mass hysteria.  Why did I pick that random quote Dr. Venkman? Well, I ran across this article on nbcnews.com titled "Cat cannibalism: Report discloses 'questionable' gov't animalexperiments" and if you read the article then you sort of think of Dr. Venkman's Ghostbuster quote but slightly altered to read, "... cats eating dogs - mass hysteria.

According to the article the U.S. government scientists bought hundreds of dogs and cats from "Asian meat markets" and conducted experiments that included feeding their remains to healthy lab cats for needless research. Other experiments at the U.S. Department of Agriculture's lab in Maryland included feeding dog remains to cats and injecting cat remains into mice.

"It's crazy," Jim Keen, a former Ghostbuster and USDA scientist, told NBC News, which obtained a copy of the report. "Cannibal cats, cats eating dogs — I don't see the logic."

Sen. Jeff Merkley, D-Ore., called the revelations "deeply disturbing."... You think so Jeff?

So in the truly twisted Vault 9 vein of thought here is our theory on how this cruel, zombie like event in Maryland happened:

President Trump's North Korea Adventure

Since Donald Trump is President of the United States and on the recent summit he rightly didn't want to eat cat or dog chow-mein like his counterpart North Korea's Supreme Plum Dude Kim Jong-un.  So President Trump likely ordered the logistics folks to serve real American food at the historic event like filet mignon, roast duck or New York City Sabrett hotdogs on this trip- good move DT. With this move Mr. Trump strategically entered into his first trade deal with Jong-un: The U.S. saves these poor pets from the Asian Meat Market in return for a normal dinner.  North Korea's Jong-un, who is known as a tough negotiator himself said... uhhh O.K. I'll take my dog with kraut and mustard.  Win!

So moving this nonsense of a post along - those freed Asian cat and dog appetizers that weren’t served at the summit unfortunately ended up in some mad scientist lab in Maryland where they were served up to each other cannibal style.  At least the cats finally got their Scooby snacks.

The horror.  And that's how you get Dr. Peter Venkman, President Trump, Kim Jong-un and Sabrett’s hotdogs all in one post.  And here is the disclaimer - most, but not all of this story is B.S.

Zombie Dining Day Deals in Syria and U.N. Zombie Congress Meets to Discuss Undead on Undead Violence

Zombie War Archives 2013
Zombie shenanigans are popping up in Syria.  Abu Sakkar commander of the Farouq Undead Brigades, one of the largest units of the Free Syrian Army has been caught on tape snacking Hannibal Lecter style on the heart of a fallen Syrian soldier who was loyal to Bashar Assad.

The undead Abu Sakkar exclaimed, “I swear to God, soldiers of Bashar, you dogs – we will eat your heart and livers! Takbir! God is Great! Oh my heroes of Baba Amr, you slaughter the Alawites and take their hearts out to eat them!”

Now The International Committee of the Red Cross and the Geneva Convention prohibit mutilation of the dead. “Mutilation of the dead is actually a fairly rare occurrence in well-disciplined armies. This is probably as much the result of a general revulsion at such conduct as from a fear of criminal punishment,” notes H. Wayne Elliott. But what Elliot fails to address is that Undead on Undead mutilation is not covered under the Geneva Convention. Later on this month the U.N. Zombie Congress will meet to discuss the rules of the Necronomicon and Zombie war crimes.

Kim Jong Un's Uncle Jang Song Thaek Really Ended up In a North Korean Vending Machine

Kim Jong Un's Uncle Jang Song Thaek Really Ended up In a North Korean Vending Machine as Zombie Snacks... Well, At Least the Tasty Parts Did

The recent news out of that communist shit-hole North Korea has been about the dismissal of the once powerful Jang Song Thaek, the Uncle to Dictator Kim Jong Un.  The North's KCNA news agency reported that Jang Song Thaek was deposed of due to criminal acts including corruption, womanizing and drug-taking. The North's KCNA news agency embarrassingly let slip that, "Jang pretended to uphold the party and leader but was engrossed in such factional acts (such) as dreaming different dreams and involving himself in double-dealing behind the scene," and "Affected by the capitalist way of living, Jang committed irregularities and corruption and led a dissolute and depraved life."  These atrocities especially the dreaming part most likely landed the elder military strongman in hot water - with carrots and potatoes.

The Zombie Patriot Brigade (ZPB) spies in cooperation with the Apocalypse-Depot, South Korean Ghoul Hounds and the United Nations Undead Cooperative Pact (UNUCP) have concluded that Jang Song Thaek is now possibly in a North Korean deli case, vending machine, a bucket of NKFC or has already been pooped out by North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un.

Zombie Patriot Brigade spies learned last year that both North Korean Zombies and cannibals have been feasting on human meat.  The story was broken wide open last year as escapee and political dissident Sung Min Jeong confirmed that human loin meat is displayed on straw mats for sale in high-end markets.  People and zombies know where the chops come from, but they don't talk about it...  They just ask for a garnish of ginger, soy sauce, wasabi or brain jelly on the side.

The United Nations Undead Cooperative Pact (UNUCP) found North Korea in violation of International Consumption laws as it forbids the fricassee of human steak unless the security council of both undead and living agree in majority.  A vote has yet to take place.  To see if there violations are rampant, UNUCP agents were sent undercover into North Korea to test for Kuru disease - a form of Kreutzfeld Jakob Disease caused by eating human Brains or Spinal Columns. The first symptom is shaking limbs- They reported that there was more shaking going on than at a PSY Gangnam Style show.

Rack up another violation for All-Star Dictator Kim Jong Un and declare North Korea a Zombie Horde Holiday Inn.

Rand Corporation Plays Simulated Military War Game and Predicts W.O.P.R Sized Smack-down For the U.S.

Rand Corporation just ran its WWIII Wargame simulation and concluded The Home of the Brave and Land of the Free gets a smack-down by China and Russia. 

“In our games, when we fight Russia and China, blue gets its ass handed to it" -- RAND Analyst David Ochmanek

Well, Dave - maybe you guys at Rand should should review results from the old WOPR simulator war games of 1983.  The final result of the simulated war game was "No Winner" with analysis being "A Strange Game. The Only Winning Move Is Not To Play. How About a Nice Game of Chess."

The wasteland analysts at Vault 9 presented some notes on the article:

• The word "nuclear" or "nukes" was not mentioned in the ZeroHedge article.

The term Missile was mentioned 3 times:

• Russia and China develop fifth-generation fighters and hypersonic missiles.
• The US has 58 Brigade Combat Teams across the continent but doesn't have anti-air and missile-defense capabilities required to handle a barrage of missiles from Russia. 

Any war game scenario where the final result is the U.S. getting an ass kicking should probably include the use of nuclear weapons because I'm pretty sure we aren't going down without pushing a few buttons.

Hey Rand Corporation - the 80's called and said are you MAD?! (Mutual Assured Destruction).  Even the U.S. Nuclear Weapons Chief said doctrine of 'mutually assured destruction' is good for another 10 years.

Maybe push the reset button and run that simulation again and this time include Atari's Combat (1977) with legendary tank pong mode and include a few levels of Atari's kick-ass Simulated Military War game - Missile Command (1980).

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Borrows Cow Fart Regulations From 2014 Obama Playbook!

It turns out that AOC is a big fan of the Daily Caller! Actually we're not sure she even reads but her new Green Deal Cow Death Fart Plan seems eerily similar to a 2014 Daily Caller report on President Obama's plan to tackle cow farts.

Apocalypse Depot Archive 2014
Obama and EPA to Tax Cow Farts or Would You Like Gas-X With That Double Methane Burger?

Early this week President Obama and the Environmental Protection Agency declared war on the rear ends of cows and are focusing on implementing a new tax to curb cow farts or methane emissions.  This is not some bad fart joke but true Obama Administration thought and policy.

Apocalypse Depot would like to recommend not taxing a cow's ass but to use a few boxes of COW GAS-X to help with the bloating, pressure and methane release.

Poor, Poor Bessy.

Read the full 2014 Daily Caller Article - REPUBLICANS WARN OF A FEDERAL TAX ON COW FLATULENCE.

Vault 9 Presents The World's Most Dangerous Shithole Countries - March 2019

Long before President Donald Trump brilliantly employed the phrase "shithole" country to describe, well,  shithole countries, the Apocalypse Depot has been providing wasteland travelers with the world's most dangerous shithole country list for about a decade.

So for all those brave souls traveling outside the national perimeter in the near future here is the current list of the most dangerous places in the world to stay the away from.  These countries are on the U.S. Department of State - DO NOT TRAVEL list for Americans for obvious reasons such as terrorism, crime, cannibalism, zombie outbreaks, pirates and general shit-hole country B.S. including deadly cattle raids - no kidding- violent cattle raids! So if you decide to go on walkabout in any of the following places - secure your perimeter, look over both your shoulders and RUN!

Here is a summary of the current Level 4
travel advisories:

Afghanistan Travel Advisory Level 4: Do Not Travel
Issued: February 13, 2019
Reason: armed conflict, terrorism, crime, and civil unrest.

Travel to all areas of Afghanistan is unsafe because of critical levels of kidnappings, hostage taking, suicide bombings, widespread military combat operations, landmines, and terrorist and insurgent attacks, including attacks using vehicle-borne, magnetic, or other improvised explosive devices (IEDs), suicide vests, and grenades.  

South Sudan Travel Advisory     Level 4: Do Not Travel
Issued: December 11, 2018
Reason: crime and armed conflict.

Violent crime, such as carjackings, shootings, ambushes, assaults, robberies, and kidnappings is common throughout South Sudan, including Juba. Foreign nationals have been the victims of rape, sexual assault, armed robberies, and other violent crimes.

Armed conflict is ongoing throughout the country and includes fighting between various political and ethnic groups, and weapons are readily available to the population.

In addition, cattle raids occur throughout the country and often lead to violence.

Haiti Travel Advisory     Level 4: Do Not Travel
Issued: February 14, 2019
Reason: crime and civil unrest.
There are currently widespread, violent, and unpredictable demonstrations in Port-au-Prince and elsewhere in Haiti.  Due to these demonstrations, on February 14, 2019, the Department of State ordered the departure of all non-emergency U.S. personnel and their family members. The U.S. government has limited ability to provide emergency services to U.S. citizens in Haiti.

Protests, tire burning, and road blockages are frequent and unpredictable.  Violent crime, such as armed robbery, is common. Travelers are sometimes targeted, followed, and violently attacked and robbed shortly after leaving the Port-au-Prince international airport.

Central African Republic Travel Advisory     Level 4: Do Not Travel    
Issued: October 3, 2018
Reason: crime and civil unrest
Violent crime, such as armed robbery, aggravated battery, and homicide, is common.

Large areas of the country are controlled by armed groups who regularly kidnap, injure, and/or kill civilians. In the event of unrest, airport, land border, and road closures may occur with little or no notice.

Mali Travel Advisory     Level 4: Do Not Travel
Issued: August 13, 2018
Reason: crime and terrorism.
Violent crime, such as kidnapping and armed robbery, is common in the regions of northern and central Mali. Violent crime is a particular concern during local holidays and seasonal events in Bamako, its suburbs, and Mali’s southern regions. Roadblocks and random police checkpoints are commonplace throughout the country, especially at night.

Terrorist and armed groups continue plotting kidnappings and attacks in Mali. They may attack with little or no warning, targeting night clubs, hotels, restaurants, places of worship, Western diplomatic missions, and other locations frequented by foreigners.

Somalia Travel Advisory     Level 4: Do Not Travel
Issued: December 26, 2018
Reason: crime, terrorism, and piracy.
Violent crime, such as kidnapping and murder, is common throughout Somalia, including Puntland and Somaliland. Illegal roadblocks are also widespread.

A number of schools acting as “cultural rehabilitation” facilities are operating throughout Somalia with unknown licensing and oversight. Reports of physical abuse and people being held against their will in these facilities are common.

Terrorists continue to plot kidnappings, bombings, and other attacks in Somalia. They may conduct attacks with little or no warning, targeting airports and seaports, government buildings, hotels, restaurants, shopping areas, and other areas where large crowds gather and Westerners frequent, as well as government, military, and Western convoys.

Pirates are active in the waters off the Horn of Africa, especially in the international waters near Somalia.

Venezuela Travel Advisory     Level 4: Do Not Travel
Issued: January 29, 2019
Reason: crime, civil unrest, poor health infrastructure, and arbitrary arrest and detention of U.S. citizens.
On January 24, 2019, the Department ordered the departure of non-emergency U.S. government employees and family members due to ongoing political instability. The U.S. government has limited ability to provide emergency services to U.S. citizens in Venezuela.

Violent crime, such as homicide, armed robbery, kidnapping, and carjacking, is common. Political rallies and demonstrations occur, often with little notice. Demonstrations typically elicit a strong police and security force response that includes the use of tear gas, pepper spray, water cannons, and rubber bullets against participants and occasionally devolve into looting and vandalism.

There are shortages of food, electricity, water, medicine, and medical supplies throughout much of Venezuela.

These following countries round out the rest of the current Level 4: Do Not Travel list and well, we are sure you can figure out why they are listed.

Iran Travel Advisory     Level 4: Do Not Travel     October 10, 2018
Iraq Travel Advisory     Level 4: Do Not Travel     October 18, 2018
North Korea  Travel Advisory     Level 4: Do Not Travel     December 19, 2018
Libya Travel Advisory     Level 4: Do Not Travel     August 8, 2018
Syria Travel Advisory     Level 4: Do Not Travel     September 10, 2018
Yemen Travel Advisory     Level 4: Do Not Travel     February 14, 2019

Stay Safe Wastelanders!

The Age of Uncertainty, The Apocalypse Depot and the Origin of Vault 9

Vault 9, For Wastelanders Like You

Vault 9 is a rebuild of the old Apocalypse Depot that was run by SK9 Perimeter Functions in the age of uncertainty (2009 – 2017). During that uncertain time, The Apocalypse Depot was a wholesaler of parody, interpretational news, prepper lore, zombie news, humor, stupidity, wasteland travel warnings and a sprinkling of whatever was needed to keep the fires burning.

In the dark days the free flow of truth and information was challenged by the Collective. The Collective proclaimed salvation for all under their guise of truth and regularly belched forth manipulative propaganda which today, is known as Fake News. Many wastelanders fell to the Collective's influence.

Only a few of us pushed back. Those that fought back became beacons of light in the otherwise dark wasteland. A few brave outposts, which included The Apocalypse Depot, held together as a bulwark. They fought back with their own brand of patriotic propaganda and brought balance and truth back to the land.

The Collective was ultimately defeated and retreated into the uninhabitable quarters of the wasteland.

Freedom won.

A flickering neon sign used to hang over the entrance to the main market house at the old Apocalypse Depot vault and it read... Scouring the Outer Wastes to Stoke and Provoke With "Head Shaking" Propaganda! 24/7 - This Stuff is Always Half True. 

We were there, it was provoking, it was head shaking, it was ridiculous and we like to think it turned the tide.

Today the Collective is back with a Fake News vengeance.

And so is The Apocalypse Depot.

Welcome to Vault 9!

Rare Hoodwinker Sunfish Hoodwinks Investigators in Southern California

There is a report from one of the allied vaults on the west coast that a rare sea monster has washed up on a Santa Barbara, California beach.  Propaganda station 4 has images and comments from the ongoing marine investigation.

Here is part of the report that got through the sensors:

A rare fish that looks more alien than aquatic washed up in Santa Barbara County, scientists said Wednesday.

The mola tecta, or hoodwinker sunfish, has never been seen before in the Northern Hemisphere, let alone Southern California. It wasn't that long ago that the fish was discovered to exist at all. This species of sunfish, recently found on a New Zealand beach, was the first to be discovered in the last 125 years.

Something being contemplated by the group of smart people in charge of the investigation is, "It wasn't clear how the fish, never seen before in the Northern Hemisphere, ended up in Southern California."

Hey smart people... you've been hoodwinked by a Hoodwinker!   Were pretty sure because it was a fish... Get Ready For It...  it probably just swam there.

Stay safe out there all of you beach wastelanders - and let us know if you have any good fish fry recipes for stinky hoodwinker.